The Proper Do's and Don'ts in the WorkPlace

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As we close out the month and the series Proper Mountain Women in the WorkPlace, I have to end with some tips and advice for working in an office. Now keep in mind that I am no Dale Carnegie, I don't pretend to know everything, or even be good at it... but despite me coming to work late every morning (which is the most UN-proper mountain woman thing about me), people seem to enjoy working with me, and my former bosses all say that they would hire me back. When one boss told me he wished he could find and hire ten more like me, I was flattered, but also thought it was odd... I feel like I am a pretty average employee... but you would be surprised at how many people come to work, and then try to avoid working, or get wrapped up in drama. Don't be one of those people!

My advice for anyone who wants to stand out among their coworkers is to just do your work. It's crazy and kinda sad, but if you do what is assigned to you, thoroughly and without complaint, you become a valuable employee and a shining star!

So, here is my list for Proper Mountain Women working in an office... all the Do's and Don'ts to help make you a trustworthy, drama-free, and likable employee:

PROPER MOUNTAIN WOMEN DON'TS:

• She does NOT wear open toed sandals in the office, no matter what the office dress code is, it's unprofessional.
• She does NOT wear short skirts, EVER.
• She does NOT wear low cut blouses, and anything that is sexy and distracting. It makes you look like a floozy no matter how smart you are.
• She does NOT wear sleeveless tops, I don't care if Michelle Obama does, they look out of place in the every day attire.
• If she is married, she does NOT go to lunch alone with another man, EVER.
• If she is single, she does NOT go to lunch alone with a married man, EVER.
• She does NOT flirt with the men in the office, it's inappropriate, just keep yourself under control. Everyone knows you are flirting.
• She does NOT throw away smelly food at her desk. 
• She does NOT interrupt people, especially in meetings. The biggest reason people don't like a certain coworker is because they are a know-it-all. 
• She does NOT give people hugs.
• She does NOT spread rumors about coworkers.
• She does NOT give in to gossip, and she is NOT a busy body.
• She does NOT try and sell things to her fellow coworkers.
• She does NOT hover around when people are busy talking to someone else, or are on the phone, she leaves a note or tries again later.

PROPER MOUNTAIN WOMEN DO'S:

• She DOES keep her desk tidy. If you aren't sure how tidy it should be, use your bosses desk as a reference.
• She DOES keep a hard copy of all her billable hours and tasks she works on, and updates it every day. I keep mine in a notebook by my computer, and it has come in handy many times.
• She DOES write notes to herself to read in the morning before leaving for the day of things to work on, that way when she arrives the next morning, she can quickly remember where she left off.
• She DOES leave the both the bathroom and break room cleaner than she found them. When the donuts are gone and the empty box is sitting on the break room counter... throw it away and wipe off the counter. It takes 3 seconds and people will think you are an angel.
• She DOES get to know the other women in the office and is not threatened by them. You can learn a lot from the older women in the office, they are smart, they have interesting hobbies, and they know the ropes.
• She DOES make new employees feel welcome and helps them feel comfortable.
• She DOES take responsibility for things going wrong and never passes the blame.
• She DOES give her boss the benefit of the doubt.
• She DOES have her cell phone on silent while at her desk.

And there you have it... follow this advice and you are golden. If I have missed any I will add them later, and if you have any suggestions of what should be added, feel free to comment!

Proper Perfume Etiquette at Work

(proper mountain women are not office hussies)

Lets discuss an important subject for women in the workplace, the etiquette of perfume.

In my current workplace there is a man who DOUSES himself in cologne every day, and you can smell him when he walks near your desk. At another office I worked at, I used to sit down with field surveyors and go over their work on the computer, one individual who chewed tobacco had the foulest breath I have ever smelt in my entire life. As I sat with him I tried to keep my hand over my nose and mouth, trying to look normal, while I tried not to dry heave as he explained utility lines with me.

At work a proper mountain woman smells good. You do not want a strong fragrance that alerts people you just walked by, or that you can smell two cubicles over... and you don't want to offend or overpower someone if you have to sit at their desk to work on something.

The perfect balance would be something fresh and clean smelling, that leaves a small, yet pleasant, impression when you stand close to someone. Save your sexy sensual scents for when you are on a date, they have no place in the workplace.

I asked my two favorite perfume experts, Andie and Jillyn, what fragrance a proper mountain woman would wear to work, here they are...

 

Andie said to go with Marc Jacob's Dot or True Religion's Hippie Chic, because both are super light, energetic, and have fruity vibes with earthy/nature tones.... perfect for a proper mountain woman. Do not go strong on these, keep it light and don't reapply during the day.

Jillyn said she would actually prefer an essential oil body mist over a perfume in the workplace, because it's a natural smell and not over powering. She suggested Chakras from Aveda, she says it balances your soul while making you smell fresh to death!


I think perfume is an interesting subject, here are some articles on the subject of fragrances in the workplace... maybe you'll find them as fascinating as I do:
Wear it 9 to 5: Office-Appropriate Perfume
Are You Wearing Too Much Perfume
5 Perfumes to Wear to the Office

Peace and pine trees,

Whitney

Ask Amanda Jane: Workplace Wendy

Amanda Jane,
I work with the most old and fuddy duddy man, he was hired because of his decades of experience working with the public.... but he can't think out of the box to save his life. I work in a male dominated field and he treats me like I’m the "girl with the cute silly ideas". He constantly speaks over me in meetings, and then if an idea fails (because they are so slow and out-dated) he uses me as the scapegoat in front of our boss, and says I just didn't understand. I’m so sick of working with him! What do I do?
-Workplace Wendy


Wendy,

I think you are running into another classic case of someone who “looks better on paper!” Sure, his resume and experience got him the job- but it sounds like his interpersonal skills are seriously out-of-date. Blaming it on his age is no excuse! There are plenty of seasoned workers that know how to co-exist with younger (and gasp! female!) co-workers. I’m not entirely shocked that somebody so unadaptable was looking for a new job at this later stage in his career. An important aspect of the modern workforce is adaptability and it doesn't sound like this man is looking for such growth. But, that will likely be his downfall as well.

Unfortunately, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Nor is it your job to do so! Although, you work in a male dominated field you did not state that anyone but this creep has given you any trouble (so I’m going to assume that is the case.) Your boss wouldn't have hired you and kept you on payroll if you were half as incompetent as this fellow seems to think you are. There is undoubtedly a sexist attitude when it comes to this guy (whether or not it’s intentional I don’t know, nor does it matter).

The point is, the way he treats a female mind in the workplace is blatantly obvious and annoying to you. Although his treatment is more pronounced when dealing with you, I’m still willing to bet you aren't the only person he talks over and throws under the bus. He’s like that kid on the playground that has no problem playing tag, until it is his turn to be it. If he is as bad as you are saying, everyone knows it is him and not you because your work ethic and attitude speaks for itself. There is no need to be combative, but don’t let him walk all over you. Step up to the plate and be unflinchingly specific when dealing with him. Keep notes and always know your actual role in the project, be honest in your capabilities and contributions. Adapt the way you deal with him, by not letting him get under your skin. Everyone around you can surely (or will surely) see him for what he really is.

You stated yourself, he “can’t think outside of the box to save his life” and it’s true- he has built these walls of preconceived notions and self-importance built around himself. His inability to adapt will surely not lead to a big promotion any time soon.

Sincerely,
Amanda Jane

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To have your own etiquette question featured on the blog, send an email to girlspearlsandpowder@gmail.com, with the subject line 'Ask Amanda Jane'.
We look forward to your questions!

Previous Ask Amanda Jane's:
Phoney Friends
Strange Strangers
OMG! You Have to Watch This
Annoyed With Roofus
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Just a Facebook Friend?

Follow the Girls Pearls & Powder ETIQUETTE BOARD on Pinterest.

 

Why We Shouldn't Cuss

Andie and I, who are long time fans of The Midnight Claw, found out Olan Rogers was in town a couple Saturdays ago... so we rushed up to Sugarhouse Park to stand in line for three hours to meet him! I am truly such a nerd because after all the laughter and delight I've had in watching this guys online videos I just feel like he is one of my dear friends, which is why I wanted to meet him. He is happy, original, hard-working, funny, and inspiring (see my other posts about him here and here). As the above picture suggests, it was worth the wait to meet him, what a role model.

I love when happy and creative people have success. I also love when comedians who aren't crass and crude do well. It seems like the world and mainstream media laugh the most at inappropriate stuff, which I think is cheap and easy. While I do enjoy a well placed cuss word every now and then, I think using less cuss words and more clever words takes more thought and makes you a delight to be around and a thrill to listen to.

Apparently Olan has been asked why he doesn't swear enough times that he has written an answer on his FAQ page... I love his answer.

Q & A: Why don’t you cuss in your videos?

SOOOOOO MANY PEOPLE ASK ME THIS hahaha

There are multiple reasons for this!

One, stems back to my high school T.V production class where it was a guideline in order to have your videos shown to the school.  This naturally made things very difficult in a world where comedy and cussing go hand in hand. I just keep this guideline.

Two, I sound like a idiot if I cuss like some people can cuss and sound like a boss and their delivery is just golden. I remember back in the 4th grade me & my friend Stephen were being chase down by some bullies and my friend Stephen yells out this string of curse words, freaking it was like slicing through Mozart butter, I mean for cursing it was art. So I decided to try my hand at it right after him and I come up with something that was so freaking stupid everyone starts laughing even Stephen hahaha I knew then I wan’t very good at it but the bonus the bullies were laughing so hard we got away and we got slushies. :)

Three, I began to realize cursing is the quick laugh everyone can cuss but not everyone can truly make someone laugh by doing honest comedy for example Monty Python, Charlie Chaplin & Buster Keaton. I laugh harder at that stuff then any comedy made today because modern comedy is all about gross out factors which I get why they do it but I’ll take Monty Python and the Holy Grail over any modern comedy hands down.

Four, I honestly don’t find it that funny, I’ll admit I do laugh at comedies/comedians who do it but that’s because they have crafted it so well or it’s done in moderation. But I think a lot of comedians just do it because every other comedian does it and it’s just accepted as what to expect from comedy. So naturally I like to do what makes me laugh.

.....

Using a cheap easy way to make a joke shows just how far and broad your thoughts and responses truly are. I, personally, haven't perfected it yet... which is why I get such a kick out of watching Olan's videos, I'm envious and fascinated by his proper wit and story-telling skills.... which are skills every proper mountain woman should work on to acquire.

These are just some of my on-going thoughts on the matter.

Thanks for reading,

Whitney Joy

Ask Amanda Jane: Phoney Friends

Hi Amanda Jane,
I have a friend who is ALWAYS on her phone. Several of them actually. and siblings, in-laws, not to mention nieces and nephews. But I'm writing in regards to one friend in particular.  When we go out to dinner or are just hanging out she always has it in her hand and almost always has it on and looking at something. She will still engage in conversations but it feels like she isn't all the way there or doesn't quite want to give you her full a attention. I really feel that smart phones are changing the way we interact with each other and although there are many great new features to help simplify our lives, for the most part I hate it. Should I ask her to put her phone away when she's around me? I would rather not sound like a teenager's parent. Is it right for me to say something? Or do I just need to get with the times?
   -Phoney Friend Problems

Phoney Friend Problems,

I have a confession to make- I’m on my phone way more than I should be. A few months ago my husband and I were watching “our shows” together, when two episodes into The Mindy Project I realized I had no idea what was going on. Why? Because I had spent the last 45 minutes ignoring my husband, the tv and everything around me. Not only did I have no idea what I was watching I frankly couldn’t really remember what Buzzfeed listicle I had just read or which Instagrams I had double tapped. The problem with doing too many things at once is you are never really enjoying any of them. 

I had this exact conversation with my own Grandma recently. My Grandma was lamenting the fact that some Sunday’s she looks around the kitchen and realizes that everyone in the family has their eyes cast down on their phone screens. The thing is I don’t think there is anything wrong with you or my Grandma being annoyed by this! Why in the world do we think it is okay to ignore the people that are right in same room with us in favor of a telephone!?! The sad truth is most of us do it, frequently. And part of it is because it has become extremely normal. We do use our phones for countless useful tasks everyday. But how often are we distracting and overstimulating ourselves needlessly because our phones are so convenient? I know I have way more than I’d like to admit publicly. So a few months ago I decided I needed to take the adage “wherever you are, be all there” to heart. If I’m out to dinner with my friends, I’m out to dinner with my friends. If I’m playing with my kids, I’m playing with my kids. I’m trying really hard to be present. 

Only you know your friends and if they would take offense to you asking them to pay attention or if they would apologize profusely for being so dismissive. But the important thing to do is set the tone (or if they are really unrepentant I give you permission give them a taste of their own medicine). I feel like if my friends were never whipping out their phones, I probably wouldn’t be either. So no, you can’t change an entire generation, but you can do your part and simply be wherever you are and hope it rubs off.

Sincerely, Amanda Jane

PS. This lovely image, found here, illustrates today's Ask Amanda Jane perfectly.

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To have your own etiquette question featured on the blog, send an email to girlspearlsandpowder@gmail.com, with the subject line "Ask Amanda Jane".
We look forward to your questions!


Previous Ask Amanda Jane's:
Strange Strangers
OMG! You Have to Watch This
Annoyed With Roofus
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Just a Facebook Friend?

Follow the Girls Pearls & Powder LADYLIKE board on Pinterest.

Ask Amanda Jane: Strange Strangers

Dear Amanda Jane,
How do you deal with someone who you barely know who tells you intimate and personal details? I want to empathize but really it's a burden because they are strangers.

   -Strange Strangers

Stranger,

Oh you've come to the right source! Like a moth to a flame I’m constantly attracting strangers with boundary issues. This past week as I was putting my cart away at Target I noticed a  woman struggling to get out of her overstuffed car. I offered my hand and forty minutes later I knew of Linda’s tumultuous marriage, murdered son, and overprotective daughter-in-law that doesn't allow her to even see her three grandchildren. I empathized even though I have no first hand experienced on any of her struggles, because that’s the kindest thing you can do. The world would be a lot more reassuring place if everyone occasionally took the time to lend a sympathetic ear, even to a stranger. 

That being said, we need to know how to cut someone off when the information becomes too much to bear. How we deal with an overbearing/over-sharing stranger depends on a couple factors, the first being- what is your degree of connection to the stranger? Is it someone you met in a parking lot that you’ll never deal with again? A co-worker that you don’t know well, but see daily? Or your fiance’s crazy Uncle that you only see at Christmas? You want to strike a careful balance, one where you draw boundaries where needed (nutty co-worker) but where you don’t come off as jerk that doesn't care about anything. Only you can decide how much you can sympathize with Linda’s family drama, Darlene’s gynecological visit, or Uncle Doug’s desire to get calf implants. So when you've had your fill make an exit. If it is a repetitive issue, you may have to cut them off before the over-sharing begins. It may seem unkind, but it isn't your burden to bear past a level of basic human compassion. The other equally important factor is the content of their over-sharing- is it racist, sexual, hateful or degrading in any way? If the content offered up is something you can’t keep down, you have the right to cut them off and walk away immediately. You can never stop a stranger from over-sharing, but you can always control what part you have in it.

Sincerely, 
Amanda Jane

_________
To have your own etiquette question featured on the blog, send an email to girlspearlsandpowder@gmail.com, with the subject line "Ask Amanda Jane". We look forward to your questions!


Previous Ask Amanda Jane's:
OMG! You Have to Watch This
Annoyed With Roofus
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Just a Facebook Friend?

Ask Amanda Jane: OMG! You Have To Watch This!

Dear Amanda Jane,
How do I get my friend to shop showing me YouTube videos? I hate when I am at a social gathering and someone insists that we watch the latest "funniest video" they've found on the internet. Shouldn't there be some modern manners for sharing viral clips on your phone? Like only force someone to watch a single video, and then be prepared to watch one of theirs... and if they don't share something, just end the sharing. I also don't think you should ever share a YouTube video that is very long... watching something for over a minute on someone's phone is torture. What does modern etiquette dictate? 

   -Not Funny

Not Funny,

Back in the day there used to be this cliché joke about the dreaded task of going to a friend's house and being forced to view slides of their Yellowstone vacation photos. The bottom line was it was always awkward, always uninvited, and never enjoyable to anybody not in the photos. "Not Funny" you have presented us with a modern day equivalent of this phenomena, with the notable exception that the offender likely has no claim to the content, other than they found it on the Internet! In other words they aren't the "Tall guy" from "Tall guy hitting head on ceiling fan=Lolz" they just happened to find the video of said event. It's really not much better than pulling out pictures of adorable children (that aren't yours) from your wallet or reading a joke off a Laffy Taffy wrapper. You have no claim to the content, I didn't ask to see it, and even if it is the funniest video ever made- nobody has ever left a party thinking, "I'm sure glad Stephanie showed me that video of a cat dressed up like a Popsicle." No! You leave the party thinking "it was so fun hanging out with Stephanie." Unless Stephanie is the one that keeps showing you unsolicited videos, in that event you're probably thinking "Yuck, who keeps inviting Stephanie?"

But I'm guessing you already know this and that's why you want to know how to stop it. The thing is, unless you are at a party that is solely dedicated to this type of video sharing, than no matter the merits of the video, you are being rude to make anyone watch anything on demand. Because the bottom line is, when you are talking to someone face to face and all you can say is "watch this video" what you are really communicating is "instead of interacting with you while we are both standing right here, I would rather watch a stranger throw-up a tablespoon of cinnamon, or an adorable orphan ride a unicycle."

The other unsavory element of being shown online clips on demand is the "expected reaction" element. If you've ever been forced to watch a viral video- than you've been watched while you watch a video and know how incredibly awkward and unenjoyable of a situation it is to be in (regardless of the content.) In an attempt to be kind and "have the proper reaction" you are watching the clip constantly thinking while you halfheartedly laugh "Is this the hilarious part where I laugh or is that still coming?"

I personally have a pretty strong no-tolerance level when it comes to being forced to watch videos at social events, but your level of tolerance may be more flexible (if you've established that you'd be willing to sit through at least one.) So after you've met your threshold, just distance yourself from the situation by saying "Oh, you'll have to post that one on Facebook for me to look at when I get home" or "Oh, email that one to me sometime" and the more relentless they are the more blunt you are allowed to be "Seriously Stephanie, I don't even like watching my own kids sing the Frozen song!"

So for any of you out there left wondering what the proper etiquette for sharing viral clips at social events is- the answer is that rarely, if ever, should they be shared in person. Because honestly, that is what Facebook is for.

Sincerely, 
Amanda Jane

_________
To have your own etiquette question featured on the blog, send an email to girlspearlsandpowder@gmail.com, with the subject line "Ask Amanda Jane". We look forward to your questions!


Previous Ask Amanda Jane's:
Annoyed With Roofus
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Just a Facebook Friend?

Ask Amanda Jane: Annoyed With Rufus

Dear Amanda Jane,
My next door neighbors have a dog that they keep fenced in their backyard.... and when my family and I are outside, the dog constantly barks at us and runs at us! We want to be able to enjoy our backyard without being growled and barked at. How do I address this with my neighbor?

   -Annoyed with Rufus

Annoyed,

My Grandma used to say "Good boundaries are the backbone of good etiquette!" So it's no wonder that so many common etiquette conundrums begin with boundaries - we always want to know what lines should and shouldn't be crossed (or when it is appropriate to tell someone they've crossed them - see last week's column.) Although your neighbor has a well-intact fence, it isn't sound proof, and that is your main complaint. The first thing you need to ask yourself is "How is Rufus really affecting my quality of life?" If it really only comes up when you occasionally pass by a shared fence - it is annoying, but forgivable, and I advise you let it slide. But if Rufus is keeping you up at night or constantly interrupting conversations (in your own yard!) that is an intrusion and it is time to take action.

I am a fan of the anonymous note, in the right situation, but because your neighbor only shares a fence with so many people it would come off as aggressive rather than anonymous. So your level of notification depends on your level of familiarity with your neighbor. If you have ever texted them before (not if you can text them, but if you have) then it would be perfectly proper to shoot a simple message over, "Hey Melanie! I had some friends over last week and it really seemed to agitate Rufus having us outback. Is there anything I can do to avoid that in the future?" As much as you may despise Rufus, Melanie loves the over-active beast so framing it in a helpful tone helps her from feeling defensive. If you've never met your neighbor bring them a plate of cookies and have this conversation face to face. It's kind of an uncomfortable situation, but just like boundaries are the backbone of good etiquette, ignorance is the backbone of bad etiquette! Most people when presented with their (of their dog/child/husband's) bad behavior immediately apologize and try and self-correct. Even in this day and age very few people are okay with purposely and willfully being rude. Breaking the ice kindly, will help the next time you have outdoor guests and Rufus starts to act up - I'm guessing it won't take very long until Melanie has redirected his attention unprompted.

Sincerely,
Amanda Jane

_________
To have your own etiquette question featured on the blog, send an email to girlspearlsandpowder@gmail.com, with the subject line "Ask Amanda Jane". We look forward to your questions!


Previous Ask Amanda Jane's:
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors
Just a Facebook Friend?

Ask Amanda Jane: Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

Dear Amanda Jane,
I have an overly chatty neighbor who wants to chat every time she sees me outside, whether I'm just sitting on my porch, walking to and from my car, or getting my mail. How do I avoid lengthy conversations with her when I just want to be left alone?

   -No Chatty Cathy

Oh No Chatty, I know your struggle well!

Years ago when I was a new parent, living in a crappy apartment (with its prerequisite paper-thin walls), we too had one of these neighbors. He was a refrigerator repairman, in his early thirties, with a thick Eastern European accent and penchant for leaving his alarm-clock constantly blaring for days on end. His apartment shared a back wall with ours and he drove us crazy with his constant, uninvited presence. When we sat down for dinner, he’d want to join. When we tried to enjoy a leisurely evening on our porch he was suddenly there too. It seemed I couldn't plant flowers, get the mail or even retrieve my laundry without being sucked into his vortex. Things got so bad we started packing a get-away diaper bag and an armload excuse of “places we needed to be” for when he showed up. There were numerous occasions where we’d pack our newborn into the car and drive around the block a few times hoping to throw him off our scent.

Looking back on this experience we laugh (mainly because he has virtually no way of tracking us down now).  But honestly we had the power to make it stop the whole time. Robert Frost once penned, “Good fences make good neighbors,” and it sounds to me like you need to build a stronger fence. I’m not recommending guard dogs, reinforced steel and barbed wire, but something of a more metaphorical design. Fences are put up as a means of defining a boundary. We too need to decide where our comfort level lies and redefine boundaries that are making us uncomfortable. How will she know she is annoying you if you've never done anything to indicate that her pop-over visits are anything but a delight? So often we don’t want to come across as “rude” or “pushy” that we let people invade our space (which is rude of them). But often times a clueless perpetrator has no idea—and I’m willing to give your nosy neighbor a pass on that. So you must chose: do you want all of your public leisure time co-opted by an overbearing neighbor? Or do you need to start the sometimes uncomfortable task of building boundaries? Next time she pops over uninvited a simple “I’m sorry June, now isn't a good time for me, how about we catch up over lunch next week?” should suffice. After that, the more intrusive she becomes, the more blunt you are allowed to be. Redefining your boundaries with her will take some practice, but in time you will find that private solitude you've been seeking.

Sincerely,
Amanda Jane


__________________
We are currently working on a page where you will be able to submit your own etiquette question anonymously, but if you would like to send one now you can email it to girlspearlsandpowder@gmail.com, with the subject line "Ask Amanda Jane". We look forward to your questions.

Other Ask Amanda Jane's:
Strange Strangers
OMG! You Have to Watch This
Annoyed With Roofus
Just a Facebook Friend?

Ask Amanda Jane: Facebook Friendship Fizzle?

 

Dear Amanda Jane,
How do I handle my friend who over-shares on Facebook? She has posted about trying to get pregnant, being pregnant, and now tons of baby posts... baby questions, baby pictures, and videos of her baby. I unfollowed her, but now when I talk to her she will refer to pictures on her Facebook that she assumes I have seen. I'm close to just slowly letting this friendship fizzle away because I'm more annoyed with her than I enjoy her friendship.

   -Just a Facebook Friend?

Just a Facebook Friend,

Somebody once told me, “Don’t worry if your baby is ugly you’ll never be able to tell yourself. You’re too close to it.” I think this same principle often applies to somebody that overshares on Facebook. Usually it is coming from a place of such pure excitement that they don’t even realize they’ve become “that” friend—in other words they’re too close to the action to realize how grotesque their oversharing has become. Eventually, most rational people will realize that it is time to self-edit (or start a blog) once the “likes” become fewer and further between (or only consist of Grandma). For most people, if you give them a little leeway, once the excitement wears off they’ll return to socially acceptable levels of sharing. However, in the case of serial, unrepentant over-sharers, the tactic of “unfollowing” is a perfectly acceptable and humane option for a friendship that you’re not quite ready to completely “unfriend.” Un-following someone stops action shots of “Gracie’s first poopy diaper” from routinely hijacking your feed, yet allows you the option to check in with them (when you feel like clicking through countless 3-D ultrasound pictures).

That being said, I think the bigger issue here isn’t the constant unnecessary updates but the actual value of this friendship in your life today. Our parent’s generation had it good—back in the day, you could send out a Christmas card and catch up every ten years at a high school reunion and call it good. Social media has allowed us a platform to maintain and cultivate friendships like no other time in history. But the truth of the matter is, even as adults we grow, change and evolve and really only keep a select handful of friends with us for the long-haul. Facebook often times puts us in the awkward position of trying to maintain interest in friendships that we’ve outgrown. Friendships that long would have faded in any other era. In so many ways social media connections stunt our ability to evolve through life because we are constantly tethered to people that aren’t immediately contributing to the life we are living now. So, you have to think of this friendship in terms of both its short and long-term value to you. What does this friendship mean to you in the long run? If burning all bridges would be a loss to you in some way, don’t unfriend, just unfollow. It’s important to realize that many of our Facebook friends from the past are nothing more than “Christmas card list” friends, and that’s okay.

Sincerely,

Amanda Jane


__________________
We are currently working on a page where you will be able to submit your own etiquette question anonymously, but if you would like to send one now you can email it to girlspearlsandpowder@gmail.com, with the subject line "Ask Amanda Jane". We look forward to your questions.

Well-Mannered Snowboard Children

On Valentines Day this year it rained. And it rained a ton. I mean, it was a devastating dump of water. It should never rain that much up in the mountains in February. For snow enthusiasts, and ski/snowboard instructors working at the resort, it's tragic to see the precious snow being drizzled on, churned up, and slushed away... especially knowing that if it had it been maybe 15 degrees colder, as it should be in the middle of February, it would have been a legendary powder day...

...oh, it breaks yer heart.

That afternoon, during the lunch break, the yurt walls were lined with red instructor coats dripping cold rain water onto the floor, and all the instructors were sopping wet. Nobody wanted to be out in the rain, nobody wanted to teach... eyes kept darting to the clock on the wall, and ears were listening for the buzz of the walky-talky report. Hoping nobody would be foolish enough to sign up for a snowboard lesson in the rain, and eager to be let off so we could all go home and get ready for Valentines dates.

The walky-talky report that is sent up from the snowsports office to the yurt usually goes something like this:

"Come in, 600. Do you copy?" - our supervisor at the yurt, all of us standing around anxious to hear if we are going to be getting paid, or if we just get to go free ride.

"This is 600. Over." - the office.

"Can we get a final count for afternoon line up? Over." - the yurt

"Eh, yeah... it looks like you got 127 ski lessons, 47 adults, 54 kids, and 26 babies. Over." - the office

"127 ski lessons, and not a single snowboard!!?? Over." - the yurt

"That is correct. No snowboard lessons. Not even a baby. Over." - the office

Okay, that might be a little exaggerated, but it is true that the ski side of snowsports is way more busy than the snowboard side. For me, a snowboard instructor, it's baffling. Snowboarding is way more fun, and from what I can tell.. skiing looks like the easiest sport ever, why would you need a lesson in something so remedial?

Anyways, this is how the report went on the rainiest day of the year:

"Come in 600. Can we get a final count for afternoon line up? Over." - the yurt

"We have zero adult ski lesson, six adult snowboard lessons, and nine children snowboarders. Over" - the office

Our hearts sank a little.

Typical.

The rainiest afternoon of the season and the wild adventure driven snowboarders were set on coming out to ride. The nice part about having so many lessons being we didn't have to draw straws to see who would teach... we all got to spend the next 2.5 hours getting drizzled on and lifting people up off the slushy snow

Good thing they don't hire the faint of heart to be snowboard instructors, and it's the happy hardcore ones that have stuck around this long in the season... we all know how to step into our wet coats, turn on our smiley faces, and share the love of riding.

My lesson actually turned out to be one of the funnest lessons of the year. I taught two little kids, brother and sister (9 & 7), who were adorable. Just sweet, well-mannered, smart, and as we rode the lift they taught me all about different habitats and the animals that live in them. Both of them would talk and listen, they also gave each other room to say things and not be interrupted... it was amazing.

They had never been on snowboards before and didn't complain about how hard it was, how they fell so many times, or never once said how horrible the weather was. I couldn't believe it. Not even when the boy's gloves were so wet he couldn't put them back on his hand very well when he took them off to squeeze the water out!!!

At one point he fell hard learning how to turn and calmly said "oh, I am in excruciating pain!" But then he was back up, learning how to shred again!

I don't know what the trick is to raising good kids like that, I hope if I ever have the duty of rearing some they turn out just as polite and sweet as those two. I met their father at the end of the lesson, complemented him on his awesome kids and told him it was one of the most enjoyable lesson I've ever taught.

From bits and pieces the kids told me, I could tell this family was loaded.. they traveled quite a bit, could afford snowboard lessons, nice gear, and their dad drove a luxory SUV and had paid to go skiing by himself during their lesson (he also gave me the best tip I have ever received)... I tell you this because I've met enough rich parents at the end of lessons to be surprised at how different this family was. The dad seemed to be sort of nerdy, or geeky, and in my speculations, I imagined he was a successful rocket engineer genius. The type that can handle complex equations with ease, but struggles with human interaction (that type of nerdy). But he was nice, very polite, and graciously accepted the complements about his kids. To me, it was a pleasant reminder of the power of good manners. It doesn't matter if you are a rich rocket engineer nerd, a small shop owner, a poor snowboard instructor, or a hill billy redneck... good manners make you a nice person to know. And, I think, will make your kids nice kids to know.

The more I study about manners and etiquette, the more I love them and marvel at how life-changing they are. I think they make you feel better about yourself, and they definitely make others around you feel warm and glad to know you. I saw a quote the other day that said "manners will open doors that the best education can not" (Clarence Thomas said that) and another one, "manners will open doors that the best pick up lines can not" (don't know said that, but they are right)... I completely agree. I think it's also safe to say that manners help make your kids nice for others to be around, or nice to teach snowboarding to on a rainy day... so we should all be well-behaved, and well-mannered examples.

A Delightful Dinner Guest

Etiquette has been on my mind quite a bit the past year... etiquette and the direction of who I am becoming as a woman. I always wonder what type of lady I will be in the later years of my life. What stories will be told about me, what stories will I tell about myself, will it be said of me that I am a wise and proper woman who is full of grace and charm? Or will I communicate and interact the same way that I do now? I always picture the older version of me to be more polished and more refined than what I'm like today.

I sometimes try and figure out what makes some people so delightful to be around, and what makes others less delightful. In my experience, when I am at a dinner party or social gathering there always seems to be one person, whether you know them well or not, that you hope to sit by. Not for any romantic reason or interest, but because you want to be part of their conversation and positive energy, you want to hear their fascinating anecdotes and witty opinions, and you want to be the one who hears the funny jokes. The table this cheerful person sits at is commonly referred to (mostly by those less convivial party patrons who are most likely jealous not to be among the merriment) as the "fun" table because everyone that sits at this table seem to be happier and having a better time.

How does this person do it? What kind of characteristics and traits does it take to become the lady that people feel lucky to be sitting by at a dinner party? I want to be this woman when I'm older. I want to be a lady who has good table manners, who is graceful and witty, who can save an awkward situation or lull in conversation, who can listen captivated or can wildly entertain, a woman who you can't tell is making things up or who is quite possibly telling the truth, a woman who has lived life and has stories to tell, a woman who keeps you guessing, who uses colorful words, and knows fascinating things, who keeps things light, positive and refreshing... a woman, where at the end of the night, you go home and exclaim "I'm so glad I got to sit by her tonight, she was delightful!" Someone that makes you feel happy and inspired.

In my observation, these type of people... who we all enjoy being around, all have three things in common... one, they are happy... two, they seem to seek out and soak up life... and three, they practice good manners and etiquette.

I think these three things are critical in steps to being a proper mountain woman. And oddly enough, these are the things that I feel like aren't celebrated in today's world... I am bewildered in the lack of manners people have today, and the perverted idea of happiness and life. A huge part of the reason I wanted to start this blog was to do my part in celebrating the good, and promoting proper women in this modern time. There are enough blogs that praise chevron patterned throw pillows, cutesy party food and perfectly plucked eyebrows... I need a blog that celebrates using proper etiquette, living a life of light and adventure, and becoming a better well-rounded woman who can tackle the mountains of life.

I realize more and more, the older I get, how fundamental the use of etiquette and manners are, they encompass and effect so many aspects of life. In social situations knowing proper etiquette can give you an edge and a boost of confidence, not only does it help put you in a good light, manners and etiquette make everyone feel at ease around you. And to me that's just lovely.

I've been reading a couple books on etiquette... one of them is a kids book my mom read to us when I was younger called "my little golden book of manners", and the other is the 17th edition of "emily post's etiquette" by Peggy Post. Allow me to share some of my favorite lines from them:

"Good manners help to make a person nice to know." - my little golden book of manners

"Courteous people enrich their own spirits by making other people feel good." - peggy post

Both of those quotes get the same message across, and help answer my question as to what makes someone more delightful to sit by than others. In the quest to become a proper mountain woman in a modern day, I'm happy to have the simple answer. May we all strive to be that funky mountain lady in her late sixties who is absolutely delightful to have sitting at your dinner table.

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