Ask Amanda Jane: Strange Strangers

Dear Amanda Jane,
How do you deal with someone who you barely know who tells you intimate and personal details? I want to empathize but really it's a burden because they are strangers.

   -Strange Strangers

Stranger,

Oh you've come to the right source! Like a moth to a flame I’m constantly attracting strangers with boundary issues. This past week as I was putting my cart away at Target I noticed a  woman struggling to get out of her overstuffed car. I offered my hand and forty minutes later I knew of Linda’s tumultuous marriage, murdered son, and overprotective daughter-in-law that doesn't allow her to even see her three grandchildren. I empathized even though I have no first hand experienced on any of her struggles, because that’s the kindest thing you can do. The world would be a lot more reassuring place if everyone occasionally took the time to lend a sympathetic ear, even to a stranger. 

That being said, we need to know how to cut someone off when the information becomes too much to bear. How we deal with an overbearing/over-sharing stranger depends on a couple factors, the first being- what is your degree of connection to the stranger? Is it someone you met in a parking lot that you’ll never deal with again? A co-worker that you don’t know well, but see daily? Or your fiance’s crazy Uncle that you only see at Christmas? You want to strike a careful balance, one where you draw boundaries where needed (nutty co-worker) but where you don’t come off as jerk that doesn't care about anything. Only you can decide how much you can sympathize with Linda’s family drama, Darlene’s gynecological visit, or Uncle Doug’s desire to get calf implants. So when you've had your fill make an exit. If it is a repetitive issue, you may have to cut them off before the over-sharing begins. It may seem unkind, but it isn't your burden to bear past a level of basic human compassion. The other equally important factor is the content of their over-sharing- is it racist, sexual, hateful or degrading in any way? If the content offered up is something you can’t keep down, you have the right to cut them off and walk away immediately. You can never stop a stranger from over-sharing, but you can always control what part you have in it.

Sincerely, 
Amanda Jane

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