I have a friend who is ALWAYS on her phone. Several of them actually. and siblings, in-laws, not to mention nieces and nephews. But I'm writing in regards to one friend in particular. When we go out to dinner or are just hanging out she always has it in her hand and almost always has it on and looking at something. She will still engage in conversations but it feels like she isn't all the way there or doesn't quite want to give you her full a attention. I really feel that smart phones are changing the way we interact with each other and although there are many great new features to help simplify our lives, for the most part I hate it. Should I ask her to put her phone away when she's around me? I would rather not sound like a teenager's parent. Is it right for me to say something? Or do I just need to get with the times?
-Phoney Friend Problems
Phoney Friend Problems,
I have a confession to make- I’m on my phone way more than I should be. A few months ago my husband and I were watching “our shows” together, when two episodes into The Mindy Project I realized I had no idea what was going on. Why? Because I had spent the last 45 minutes ignoring my husband, the tv and everything around me. Not only did I have no idea what I was watching I frankly couldn’t really remember what Buzzfeed listicle I had just read or which Instagrams I had double tapped. The problem with doing too many things at once is you are never really enjoying any of them.
I had this exact conversation with my own Grandma recently. My Grandma was lamenting the fact that some Sunday’s she looks around the kitchen and realizes that everyone in the family has their eyes cast down on their phone screens. The thing is I don’t think there is anything wrong with you or my Grandma being annoyed by this! Why in the world do we think it is okay to ignore the people that are right in same room with us in favor of a telephone!?! The sad truth is most of us do it, frequently. And part of it is because it has become extremely normal. We do use our phones for countless useful tasks everyday. But how often are we distracting and overstimulating ourselves needlessly because our phones are so convenient? I know I have way more than I’d like to admit publicly. So a few months ago I decided I needed to take the adage “wherever you are, be all there” to heart. If I’m out to dinner with my friends, I’m out to dinner with my friends. If I’m playing with my kids, I’m playing with my kids. I’m trying really hard to be present.
Only you know your friends and if they would take offense to you asking them to pay attention or if they would apologize profusely for being so dismissive. But the important thing to do is set the tone (or if they are really unrepentant I give you permission give them a taste of their own medicine). I feel like if my friends were never whipping out their phones, I probably wouldn’t be either. So no, you can’t change an entire generation, but you can do your part and simply be wherever you are and hope it rubs off.
Sincerely, Amanda Jane
PS. This lovely image, found here, illustrates today's Ask Amanda Jane perfectly.
I have a confession to make- I’m on my phone way more than I should be. A few months ago my husband and I were watching “our shows” together, when two episodes into The Mindy Project I realized I had no idea what was going on. Why? Because I had spent the last 45 minutes ignoring my husband, the tv and everything around me. Not only did I have no idea what I was watching I frankly couldn’t really remember what Buzzfeed listicle I had just read or which Instagrams I had double tapped. The problem with doing too many things at once is you are never really enjoying any of them.
I had this exact conversation with my own Grandma recently. My Grandma was lamenting the fact that some Sunday’s she looks around the kitchen and realizes that everyone in the family has their eyes cast down on their phone screens. The thing is I don’t think there is anything wrong with you or my Grandma being annoyed by this! Why in the world do we think it is okay to ignore the people that are right in same room with us in favor of a telephone!?! The sad truth is most of us do it, frequently. And part of it is because it has become extremely normal. We do use our phones for countless useful tasks everyday. But how often are we distracting and overstimulating ourselves needlessly because our phones are so convenient? I know I have way more than I’d like to admit publicly. So a few months ago I decided I needed to take the adage “wherever you are, be all there” to heart. If I’m out to dinner with my friends, I’m out to dinner with my friends. If I’m playing with my kids, I’m playing with my kids. I’m trying really hard to be present.
Only you know your friends and if they would take offense to you asking them to pay attention or if they would apologize profusely for being so dismissive. But the important thing to do is set the tone (or if they are really unrepentant I give you permission give them a taste of their own medicine). I feel like if my friends were never whipping out their phones, I probably wouldn’t be either. So no, you can’t change an entire generation, but you can do your part and simply be wherever you are and hope it rubs off.
Sincerely, Amanda Jane
PS. This lovely image, found here, illustrates today's Ask Amanda Jane perfectly.
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