Paper Dolls by McKay

Originally posted on McKay's blog on Jan 14th, 2015:

I read this thing (I call it a 'thing' because I don't know if it was a study someone did, or just a lecture someone gave. Hell, I don't even remember where I read it...), A university had observed and followed the life of high school girls, and watched how social media had an effect on them. They called the trend these girls inevitably became in-wrapped in the "paper doll syndrome" due to only being viewed as 2-dimensional, and everyone of them looking and acting alike.
 
They found that with these girls, the more they were involved in social media, the lower their self esteem would fall, regardless of the amount of attention they received or didn't receive. And as their self esteem would fall, their anxiety would rise.
 
Some girls more so than others, but the three factors were all the same - the more involved in social media - the lower the self esteem - the higher the anxiety.
 
Now I realize that a group of dramatic hormonal girls is not a great thing to gauge yourself to. But the principals are true, and I think there is some of that high school girl that still lives on in me, I think we are, in a way, all high schoolers at heart. I feel the insanity of being involved in social media; comparing, exaggerating, coloring a life for yourself that is whatever you want it to be.
 
The cure to all of this was quite simple... hobbies!
 
They found that if any of the girls would invest time into hobbies that it would have the exact opposite effect on them. It built up positive self esteem and lowered anxiety. Isn't that wonderful??
 
Now, I don't know how involved I am in social media...
Ok, I do...
I feel like I am watching a train wreck sometimes of people and their stupid instagram accounts. Posting offensive stuff and then being offended when someone is offended.
Posting outfits, and where to get all your outfits.
Outfitting your outfits.
Posting personal crap, real personal things that make other squirm.

There are no rules, no restrictions about the topics that you can so carelessly throw away, and I can't look away sometimes, it fascinates me. And while I hate the crazy, there is a lot of good that can come from blogs and instagram (notice how I don't say facebook?).

But I feel like whether or not I am consumed in the filth, or actually using it in a positive way, I feel like the advice to pursue your hobbies is a great advice.

So, short story long- the base of my New Year's Resolutions... Condense. Find what makes my heart stir, make things simple, and jump on it.

14 days into the New Year is a perfect time to start my resolutions, right?

1. H O B B I E S

Stop being a baby and spend the money to go to EVERY exhibit at the Leonardo and make the money worth it. Are you kidding me? I live so close the place and they have amazing exhibits, who cares if it is 20 bucks a pop!? I got the money!

Water coloring. That's all. I just want to dabble in it... just for fun.

Bees. I've talked and dreamed about this one forever, this year I have time and money for the hobby, so why not? What the hell am I waiting for?

2. M I N I M A L I Z E

I knew of a man of many hats once, he was charming and carefree and I can't tell you a single thing he owned other than his dog and his truck. He would drive head first into a hobby and when he grew tired of it he would sale everything and start at ground zero, with new ideas. It was scary, but at the same time I felt this sense of freedom being around him when there was nothing holding him back.

Don't let my STUFF define me.

JANUARY AND FEBRUARY'S FOCUS - (I really am just writing notes for myself at this point)

THINGS
Throw it all away! (I don't really know what that means)
Why is my desk drawer packed full of stuff?
Why do I have a desk? I don't sit at it.
-Goal- fill two trader joe's bags a week with stuff in my room to toss.
My mom said it best - "if you haven't touched it in a year, throw it out!"
And I need to find a system to withhold the amount of stuff coming in too. (that will be later month's focus)

MEDIA
Treat my phone as a land line once a week. Leave it home.
Leave my phone plugged in charging across the room when I sleep. (this will prevent late night instagram browsing and watching a seinfeld episode "real quick" before bed) (also, I think this will help the cellphone waves not to fry my brain as I sleep, that can't be good to sleep with my phone so close to my head, right??? It's not good for the bees, it can't be good for me!!... who's to say?)

3. B E   K I N D

This year, or these past few months rather, I feel like my mind is functioning differently. With the overwhelming show of love at my birthday. With the sorrow felt at a life cut short at a beautiful funeral. And in contrast to the feelings of embarrassment and stupidity for stupid choices I've made. I just feel like it is so important to show people love, to be kind, to be positive. Life is too short not to forgive.

(I have more bullet points on this one, but they are a little more personal, and I choose not to share them)

ANYWHO, I like to hear people's goals, it inspires me... so these are mine this year ((along with my mom's roll-over gaol from last year for me - to have babies (plural), can't give up on that goal - this might be the year!!)). Hope you are inspired to improve little things too. Also, I feel more accountable now having written them out.

I am reading Russell Brand's new book and he just inspires me in every way, everyone should read it.

By small and simple ways the world is shifting, in and out of seasons, in and out of trends and fashion, it changes ever so slightly and we sink into it, allowing the world to mold us into whatever it wants, so I strive to be more aware and in small and simple ways make my world the way I want it.

(thanks for sharing McKay, this is uplifting and well-timed)

30 Before 30

I am turning 30 at the end of this year.

"The whole idea of Mormonism is improvement -- mentally, physically, morally and spiritually. No half-way education suffices for the Latter-day Saint." - Lorenzo Snow

I have been thinking about a fresh start since the beginning of January, and at the same time can't believe that I am going to be 30 this year! It feels like start or end to something important.. it's a big milestone. I truly am excited to be 30, seems like such a mature energetic age. I feel like the twenties are for making stupid selfish decisions.. the thirties are all about being happy with yourself, loving others, giving yourself more, being steady in life decisions but fancy free at the same time, wise, and youthful and energetic. I feel like I am headed into the prime time!

So I decided a few weeks ago that I needed to fresh'n up my life with some positive goals, and since I am turning thirty.. why not make thirty of them? I love having goals, I believe in positive thinking, and making goals turns your mind from negative thoughts to inspiring positive thoughts.. which make you better and happy. 

So here you are... the list of new things I want to try, old things I want to get better at, attributes to attain, things to look forward to.... 

1. the Alpine Challenge. 62 miles on May 5th.

2. becoming a distinguished graduate at Front Sight... which will require dry practice shooting before attending the course in May.

3. reading the Book of Mormon on my iPhone before going to Belize, I recently fell in love with reading the Book of Mormon electronically. Being able to highlight new things, and tag scriptures, and then see them listed on my phone in quick display modes. I love it. I actually read the last two chapters that way, and have started over, and now will read the whole thing with new markings... adding fresh notes and tags for a complete new study... I want to finish before the summer when we go to Belize and take the Book of Mormon ruins tour.

4. either take pottery or guitar lessons. I feel like living in a new place, requires a new hobby... so I can remember down the road "oh, San Diego... that's where I fell in love with the guitar... or with pottery." I'm leaning more towards the guitar right now because our apartment simply isn't big enough to have any extra pots... my cupboards are packed as it is... with even more pyrex in Utah. I need to learn to play the guitar. It's crucial.

5. attend a country concert with Dan (preferably Pistol Annies, Band Perry, or Little Big Town)

6. completely organize the back bedroom, where Dan and I have separate work tables. His for reloading, mine for sewing.. .right now it's complete mayhem back there, and I just want it to be a fun, organized and happy work area. I can see it all now.. music going, my sewing machine humming along, while Dan reloads and tinkers with guns.... sounds like bliss. I can already cross this half way off... because we did get a corner organized when Dan built his reloading table and moved his gun safe in. His corner looks really good now. To cross this completely off we need to take my bed that's in there back to Utah, and add another shelf to organize the rest of it.

7. give up white sugar, white flour and most dairy products again, because I feel so much more functional and healthy when that happens.

8. complete this GM cleanse diet (depending on if it is successful, doing it multiple times)

9. finish my kickstart business plan profile... and see if anyone will bite.

10. feed the missionaries.

11. practice yoga, and attend a yoga class to get better.

12. read more poetry, memorize a few poems.

13. draw some more illustrations

14. glam up! actually do my hair in a new way a few times a week, straighten it more often, do an actual up do, not a bun... I want to not be wearing any of the same clothes/styles I wore throughout my 20's. I want a more sophisticated polished look. Lipstick, make-up, jewelry... etc. 

15. find a second income at home, whether it's saving enough money to buy my own desktop and CAD station at home to do independent contract drafting jobs.

16. expand my graphic skills, illustrating and photography skills (this will help with #9, #13, #15, #17, #27 and #30)

17. document my wedding, honeymoon and first year of marriage pictures with some sort of scrapbook/photobook to have all the memories hard copy.

18. give the kitchen table set a fresh new look by reupholstering the chair sand redoing the paint of the table.

19. grow some plants on my porch... and make the porch a cozier place, make a cushion for the porch swing.. since ours was stolen. And especially since we spend so much time out there... with the fire pit and all. This includes learning how to make quality throw pillows... with piping and all that.

20. finish quilts that I started. make Dan his dream quilt.

21. save up before buying stuff.

22. go panning for gold at least a couple of times.

23. attend spin classes in the morning.

24. get in a good temple attending groove.

25. Continually be a better wife, since that's my major roll right now. I want to be sweeter, more understanding, less stressful, more Christ-like, and more giving than selfish.

26. knit this blanket, or this one.... or maybe crochet this one.

27. send out Christmas cards the beginning of December.

28. get scuba certified and dive with Dan.

29. join the ward choir, and attend practices (even though I think our ward choir sucks and there's four times as many women as men... I like singing and singing church songs - it uplifts my soul)

30. return of the talent show birthday party!! if I can't be in Utah to arrange it, then an online party or video competition of sorts. Perhaps a 3 minute video of your talent... or something, and I'll reveal them all on my birthday in a blog post. Since all my friends live far away, it could be like an online party!

Pretty good list... I'm stoked about it. I want to go home and start crossing stuff off of it right now!

2011

(cell phone pix from the bear claw - sundance)

I looked through my work notebook today, where I keep my to-do lists and notes. I had written 2010 on almost all my entries the past few weeks.

I have been in a funk lately, it must be because my brain hasn't caught on that it's 2011. Yesterday I made a list of the things I want to be known for and the things I think are most important - and writing them all out was really rejuvenating. The February funk is upon us - and that's probably when and how our new years' resolutions become fuzzy and get forgotten.

A sampling of my list of rejuvenation -

to me, it is most important to...

-have integrity

-pray sincerely and often

-make time to read

-be a morning person

-be loving to others

-be Christlike

-be beautiful

-enjoy the simple things

-be frugal

-be a good biker

-be a good hiker

-be busy

I love integrity. I just love it. It's the most attractive thing I see in other people, and I want to cultivate more of it. Integrity, personal conviction, virtue and strength - just like a cowboy. And waking up early to get things done - I don't know how these super humans do it, but I feel like they have a strength of character I have not achieved yet... so I will work on it.

Mt Whitney

I feel like reading magazines is such a luxury. Only people who bask by the pool, lay in hospital beds, or don't have jobs have time for magazines. When I worked at Kohlers and saw women (house wives) buying magazines, I would think "enjoy your reading! and your bon-bons!" as they flitted away from my check stand. I only feel this way because I, personally, just don't have time to lay around enjoying one. I always have something more constructive to read or do.

As I was flying from Salt Lake to Chicago, Chicago to Toronto, and Toronto to London, earlier this month - I managed to squeeze in some luxury magazine reading. And look at this gem I found in an outdoor magazine!

(coolest neon signed motel ever - amanda, you love?)

As a young girl I heard about Mt Whitney down in California, and thought one day I would climb it. Well, now I will! Maybe this year, maybe next summer... but I am going to do it soon. The magazine article suggests crashing here at this motel, and then starting your journey! I will start at Whitney Portal, spend the first day getting to Trail Camp, then the second day push to the summit. 99 switch backs, 22 miles, purifying your own water, sightings of black bear, Sequoia National Park, an elevation of 14,500 feet - the highest summit in the contiguous 48 states, and extraordinary views of the Inyo National Forest! Perfect, everything MY mountain ought to have.

Mt WHITNEY here I come!
thank you, outdoor magazine, without you I would not have thought the dream was a reality!

GC to GC

Nate has inspired me to make general conference to general conference goals. I think it's genius. Spring is my least favorite time of year, so it feels good to have something inspiring me. I have so much on my to-do list right now, I never want to be sitting around... I want to always be crossing stuff off my to-do lists and goals. I WANT TO DO IT ALL!

a handful (of the many) GC to GC goals are listed here:
- learn to whistle really loud
- illustrate my cake story
- do a barrel roll on the shores of fiji
- grow my hair down to my knees
- get to work on time

Warm days make me happy and anxious. Happy because there is a limitless number of outdoor activities to take advantage of, and anxious because I hate wasting sunlight when I'm at my computer drafting at work. Thank heavens I can bike to work, to get some of the "adventure" out of me on my way, so sitting there doesn't feel like a waste.

Today the good weather, mixed with a good book made me extra anxious. I somehow heard that it was going to storm and be cold all week, so I just drove my bug to work. Well, it turned into a beautiful day and I couldn't sit still. I was determined to go home and get my bike at lunch to take advantage of the sunshine. (on the way home, I even see Nate biking on his way to UVU)

While I was at home I started to read Hunger Games, while I ate some cheese on round bread with sam's salsa, and then couldn't put it down. It was sooo good that I lost track of time and then didn't have time to ride my bike back to work. Agh! Sooo, now I have ruined my chance to enjoy the sunshine, can't stop thinking about Hunger Games and how it'l end, and I am going to be short on today's hours.

That's okay, I can make up the missed hours tomorrow, I tell myself. I can go for a bike ride after work. Still, the end to the book is killing me... what is going to happen?? (I haven't been hooked by a book like this in eons it feels like) I get to my desk at work and continue to read. I'm almost done. 30 minutes go by. There are only a few pages left. It's got to be coming together here soon. Man, I am wasting time. One page left. It' not rapping up. I flip the page. I NEED to know what will happen.... End of Book One

WHAT??!!!??
what a waste of a sunny afternoon! The suspense is still there! I haven't satisfied anything!

Lesson learned: never sacrifice to read over to ride.

thanks for nothing, Hunger Games.

On a brighter note, I did go on a bike ride. Andie long boarded beside me down in the gully.
Also, Sam has his papers in! Yes, it's true. The map is up! Where is he headed to? I can't handle that my sweet mission prep boys are spreading their wings and flying away! I love them so much. Especially Sam (duh, he's my brother), I think I will cry every day he is gone.

So come see the map. 50 cents a guess.
(I'm feeling Brazil)