Friday, November 30, 2012

Marriage Is Like Snowboarding

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." ~Isiah 40:31

(snapped that temple pic over the weekend)

I love Elder Quentin L Cook, he has been my favorite addition to the brotherhood these recent years. And I really enjoyed his October conference talk. My favorite excerpt from his talk was this: "Immersion in the scriptures is essential for spiritual nourishment. The word of God inspires commitment and acts as a healing balm for hurt feelings, anger, or disillusionment. When our commitment is diminished for any reason, part of the solution is repentance. Commitment and repentance are closely intertwined." He continues in quoting CS Lewis, "When you know you are sick, you will listen to the doctor".

Sometimes after 29 years of living, I forget that when I am sad or down, the best nourishment that always does the trick is reading the scriptures, old or new. I always feel better and more committed and full of hope after reading. It brings the Spirit back into my life and I feel refreshed, and that God is on my side.

I will honestly admit that marriage is harder than I had anticipated. I am surprised at how emotional it has made me. As a wise, go lucky, mature woman, I felt like l would tackle this marriage thing like a pro and looked forward to marital bliss. Come to find out, living two states away without social interaction and everything that made up the wonderful Whitney world I created for myself... I sometimes feel emotional and insecure. I thought things would go a certain way, and in this delicate new important "rest of your life" relationship, when it doesn't go that way... you sorta feel like the world is crumbling around you. You feel like a failure.

I am but an infant in this marriage arena... learning to progress, and frustrated with myself that I can't get it right... right away.

But then I remember the first weeks of working at Horrocks and what a complete moron I felt like, or when I thought I would never learn Romanian on my mission, or even when I first learned to snowboard and would come home grumpy and sore... every first step in anything is painful, you are bound to fall a few times. Even six cycles of Margo's marriage prep class couldn't prepare me with the raw experience of marriage. You have to baby step that on your own.

Nobody knows how to map a 3D base file of existing utilities for all of I-15 their first day on the job, I don't know anyone who has flown to Romania and was able to roll their R's flawlessly and "vorbesc cu darul limbilor" during their first night of street contacting... and unless you are my buddy Russ, I have yet to see anyone go snowboarding their first time and not tumble all the way down the mountain.

I look forward to days where I will gracefully snowboard this mountain of marriage, but have finally realized that I am bound to fall along the way... it's part of the plan! Sometimes my arms will be sore from lifting myself up. That's what the scriptures and prayer are for, to bring you closer to Heavenly Father, change your perspective and give you strength to try again.

Some nights while lying in bed and I start to wonder what the heck did I get myself into, why did I choose to do this to myself? Being single was so easy... I was happy and emotionally independent, I had money, I had an Orchard Shack, I had an awesome job, I had friends when I wanted them, did cool hobbies, hung out with my siblings, managed my own time, I didn't have to listen to anyone else's opinion, or worry about anyone else... After I am done having a mental pity party, and after saying my prayers, I mentally compile a list of all the things I am grateful for. Without fail, I am always grateful for my marriage... how could I progress into a more Christlike person without it? God is so smart, how better to understand patience, selflessness, unconditional love, service, and charity than by forcing you to be with the same person day in and day out. I definitely can't learn these things alone, and even felt that way as a single person. The other thing that always tops the list is the blessing of a good husband. Dan is kind, and caring, and always thinking of how to make this work. I love that he is dedicated. I am grateful he is a good listener, and initiates good conversation when I would rather not talk it out. I love knowing that he is the one I get to work it out with, and that we have each other's backs. It is easy to have be hopeful knowing that we both want each other to succeed, to be happy, and that we love each other.

Last night talking with Dan, I'm sure I apologized for being such a nutcase... and Dan sweetly said  "well, in fifty years, what matters in the end, is that you are my nutcase".

That is love right there.


  1. Love this. A whole new world, right? I remember tearfully apologizing to Jeff for all of my imperfections and he said, "I'm sorry, that's my fault. God made you the way I wanted you, I guess." Sometimes they say just what you need them to :)

    ps, Thats my temple! Jealous that you are so close to it!

  2. Beautiul.
    You have always suceeded at everything you do whit, marriage will be no different.

  3. You are a wise woman! I appreciate this post. You are so much more open and honest than a lot of people and I think everyone needs to hear about the reality of marriage sometimes. It is hard and it will probably only get harder as life gets more comlicated but if we learn to work through problems now, hopefully we will be more prepared to work through them in the future. I truly wish you and Dan the best and know that we love and support you both.

    Love you Whit.


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