I've Quit This Day & Age

• sitting across the ditch in our hut, and watching Ray LeBaron pretend to smoke, using a green water reed. And him having to be secret about it, which I think just made me more interested in smoking.

• walking in the gully alone, and thinking I could out run a mountain lion if I had to. Also feeling braver holding a rock, because I could defend myself with it if someone tried to attack me. David and Goliath style.

• being in 2nd grade and thinking I had 4 years till I was in 6th grade, then 3 years of jr high, then 3 more years till I was done with high school. It was overwhelming.

• making the "perfect" toast with butter and honey. I was a toast expert.

• pulling grass away from the bricks in the yard to watch the potato bugs. Thinking they were all friends, cousins, aunts and uncles to each other. 

• staring at the stars and knowing for sure that God was out there. And the feeling felt so intense it was tangible.

• walking on the weird sidewalk that cut through the block at grandma's house, and trying to catch a glimpse of the pretty yard on the other side of the fence. But instead, catching the eyes of the old woman working in the garden, and her yelling something at me.

• playing at the little recess park for preschoolers at edgemont elementary. And always feeling like the teachers thought I was going to "try" something the whole time we were out there, like run away, kick someone, or jump off the slide... I remember thinking that my fellow classmates couldn't be trusted, and would probably tattle tale on me.

• staring at the sun, closing my eyes, then opening them to see the world in a weird green haze.Thinking the world looked like a weird old photograph.

• being hidden in the weeds growing around our house, and on the gully hill. Sitting and not being able to be seen. I thought it was so cool and cozy, I couldn't get enough of it.

• trying to find a comfortable side of my head to sleep on when I had a head full of braids and sponge curlers. thinking I could tell the time by the shadows in my room.

• in the winter just freezing in my bed at night, and not realizing I could go find an extra blanket somewhere, or just tell my parents how cold my bed was. I would just tough it through the night.